"What's In a Name?" Me Mom, You Doctor - It's not that easy!!

"This is infant boy Chambers. He is known as infant boy as he was not born here, but at another hospital." I too lost my name that day, and at first it bothered me that doctors, nurses, residents, and aids wouldn't learn my name. I became Mom and then Mom Chambers - and you know what, in hindsight I am damn proud of that name, but even prouder when it became William's Mom. I don't care if you learn my name, but take the time to know my son, learn who he is and what version of his name belongs to him, and I know you have your priorities straight.

(I should mention that many did end up learning our names and took the time to get to know us as individuals. These are the incredible people who have a special place in our hearts)

So what do I call you, the medical professional I am trusting my child with? I remember the adjustment when I taught in South America and the students called their teachers by their first name. It felt strange for a long time as it was so ingrained in me that teachers were Miss, or Mrs, or Ms, or Mr so and so. I had to adjust to realize there was still respect there that a title was not necessary.

We have developed many trusted relationships with medical professionals over the past few years. This is going to sound strange, but the ones I trust the most, the ones I respect the most and the ones I go to first, I call them by their first name (not without permission of course). I have realized that there are doctors who we nicknamed with their last name as their moniker, but it is the ones I feel comfortable using their given name that I rely on the most.

I also realized that respect is only part of it. A connection is what has been created. When a doctor has taken the time to get to know us and William on the level that we know their first name, the reality is that they have shared a part of them with us and we now see them as a person, not a title. We have established a relationship of mutual trust and mutual respect.

By no means am I saying doctors should go around using their given names if they don't want to. What I am trying to get across is the power of the relationship. By respecting patients and parents, and showing them your humanity, and vice versa, as parents and family members, sharing with the medical professionals what you are truly going through and asking for help when you need it, the pathway to the best care for the patient is much clearer.

As a side note, for those just finding their footing I want to address the moniker of 'social worker' at the hospital. We were foster parents a lifetime ago and I am familiar with the wariness that can come with the title social worker. But remove all fear that the social workers at the hospital are from Family and Children Services. The social workers at the hospital are there to help you find your pathway through the medical minefield you find yourself standing in. You quickly become aware that the workers will report to others about your worries, your hopes, etc but you must know that all the hospital staff share amongst the colleagues who are associated with the patient what they know. This however is a different blog as the adjustment to living in the fishbowl is real.

For now, please know my lesson here is about the trust and respect that can develop between the medical professionals and the patient and families over time and with honesty and openness. It takes work and dedication and yes vulnerability, but the team that walks together from that is a powerful one. So you can call me Mom, and I might just call you Doc, but let's work on this puzzle together okay?!