"A Pap-Smear for the Brain Stem!"- My Experience Getting the Covid Test

I was in the hospital last week. The patient beside me tested positive. A week after getting out of the hospital I started to have some symptoms that had me second guessing everything. I am certain that it is my allergies and a case of the human body rediscovering what 'relaxed' means after two years of going steady, but my doctor agreed it was time to go for the covid test just to be certain.

We live in the Niagara Region and now you need to go through your GP, if you have one, to get a referral. My doctor explained it was to ensure there was follow up with patients who were getting tested, turning up negative and then not seeking treatment to make sure everything was okay. He faxed the referral in after consulting with me on the phone Friday.

Saturday morning I got a phone call telling me that the next day I was to proceed to the local hospital, drive to the back of the building and park in a special lot. I was to wait for a phone call and further instructions. (I know I have watched too many movies to know exactly how that sounds and in truth it felt a little clandestine as well.)

I followed my instructions and pulled up beside the two other vehicles in the small lot. One woman came slowly in her car and drove off. A few moments later I saw the woman left answer her phone and then went to go in. I saw her try to open the doors but they were locked and she had to wait for security to buzz her in. She disappeared into the building and I was alone. A short time later she came out and was settled in her car when my phone rang.

"Elizabeth Chambers?" Yes. "Are you in the parking lot?" Yes. Please leave everything in your vehicle, except your health card, and proceed to the doors. You will be admitted in and given a new mask to wear." Thank you? (I think even I heard the hesitation in my voice).

I walked up to the double doors and watched the young security officer push the button to open them slowly. Why did the vision of the gates of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory suddenly appear in my mind? (could be I haven't had chocolate in almost two weeks - something practical I am doing as a result of this!)

The young guard checked me in, gave me my mask under the plexiglass protecting him, and asked me to wait for them to come get me at the next set of doors. Okay, anyone who knows me, knows I chat to everyone, so we started chatting and he told me how much he missed the drive through option they had, because at least then he was able to sit outside and get fresh air. Poor guy, I do not envy his job at all, I would not want to be that person stuck in a small confined entrance airway with people coming over and over again to be tested for the virus sharing airspace with you while they waited to be admitted. The surgical mask he wore would not be enough for me!

The inner doors opened and I was ushered by a very sweet nurse down a hallway. We talked about how they were getting used to all of this as they are doing it day in and day out. We came to the first room where a mass of at least 10 staff fully gowned and suited up awaited me. I was instructed to go directly into the room and sit in the grey chair in front of me. A very nice doctor began asking me questions through a mask as a nurse took my temperature, pulse and oxygen saturation. They then told me to lower my mask to just below my nose and tilt my head back.

In all honesty I did not have the words to describe the next bit until after texting with a friend her notes of comparison when she had this done and she said "it's like getting a pap smear of your brain stem"! Yes, yes, yes. That is exactly it.

For me, all I could think of was how sorry I was for all the times I had to stick a suction catheter up my son's nasal passage to do deep suctioning and how awful the nasal scope really must be when they go to look at his vocal chords. The long q tip is shoved down my nose and spun around a few times, my eyes water, and then it is out and into a test tube. A nurse is waiting at the door to the small room with a bottle of hand sanitizer that she pumps out into my hands as another nurse escorts me back to the doors. I am handed a package of information and told it may take up to a week for results.

At this point I have become a number and I am on my way. I see two cars parked on either side of me waiting for their turn. It is moments like these that I truly wonder what our post-covid world is going to really look like and also wonder if it is too soon to start looking online for my results. It is going to be a really long week!

In reflection I have been asked if the test was scary or intimidating. For me, it wasn't. But I have become desensitized to medical gowns and medical test and everything that goes along with that from being a medical mamma. For anyone not accustomed to the medical world, it could have been quite scary. I can't imagine a child, someone with limited use of the English language or someone with a disability such as hearing loss or an intellectual disability having to process all of this. It really was like the scene in ET where he is undergoing testing. LIke I said, right out of the movies. Mission Impossible meets ET. I know I grew up in a movie family, but honestly I did not expect to find all of us living in one. End scene.